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Graceful Homesickness

November 2, 2012

Sometimes, people tell me I’m brave.  Until recently I didn’t really understand why.  It has become ever so apparent just how hard it is living in a different country- right now and for some quite some time to come. I’ve always known this, on some level, I’m sure.  But the other night I had one of those “flood of knowledge moments” when the heavy and real truth wraps itself around your shoulders and whipsers its arrival in your ear.  All I could do was sit in the middle of a dinner party and listen (and maybe freak out a little bit).

I, of course, am still happy about my decision to stay in the Netherlands.  I also still wouldn’t exactly call myself “brave” for moving here.  When it came down to it, it wasn’t especially difficult to choose to stay here. I am more than excited to start living with Jozef and to see what our life will look like together.   He is everything I have ever hoped for in a partner and the thought of doing life together fills me up to the brim!  But, I must say, the words “this is hard” keep running through my mind.  Everything from socializing, to getting a drivers license, to finishing school, to putting a sentence together, is a challenge.  And sometimes I just get tired and think about my mom and my best friend and the English language, and I start missing home.

So I took a few days to simply feel bad about it.  And I really think that’s okay every once in a while- to be a little grumpy, a little down in the dumps, and complain a bit.  I simply took a few days to allow myself to whine without any expectations of finding a solution.  And the funny thing? I feel so much better today. I woke up thinking lots of thoughts and feeling really good about most of them.  This gist is, it’s going to be hard, you’re going to be sad sometimes, and that’s okay.  Allowing myself the grace to be upset these past few days gave me faith that I can have, and can get through, these moments again in the future.  If I am patient and give myself the space to work through the homesickeness or frustrations, then I can come out the otherside just fine indeed.

So today my hope for you is grace.  I hope you remember to treat yourself with the kindness and patience that I’m sure you afford to your friends.  And I espeically hope you come out the other side just fine.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Jan Nyenhuis permalink
    November 2, 2012 2:21 pm

    Good on you! for being able to recognize your feelings, but then thinking with your mind! At my advanced age of 72, I have two goals: to accept the next stage of life with GRACE! and to stay as healthy as I can, over the things I have control of. Your grandparents are now with us inOrlando, FL. We have spent the last two days visiting Kennedy Space Center. It is so cool! They are today moving the shuttle Atlantis to its retirement home, near the Visitors Center. Don and Millie leave tomorrow for Denver, Keith and I stay another week for him to attend board meetings. Love you! God speed and blessings! Jan

  2. Tony Veldhuizen permalink
    December 9, 2012 12:08 am

    This mild discomfort may continue only till you can feel that “Where you are” is Home.
    It helps when you find yourself, not translating but thinking in the adopted language.
    I am so very happy to hear of your happiness. You are very special to us. We wish you the best.

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